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SHE IS.......

She was beautiful. She was loving. She was caring. She was mine. She was......

It is still so strange to talk about Ella in the past-tense. Nearly 8 months after her passing, it still doesn't seem right to speak about her as though she's not here. But, our reality is sometimes so different than our feelings. She's gone, and I'll never see her beautiful face, hear that contagious laugh, hold her little hand or get that BIG-I-never-want-to-let-go HUG again. So, what's left to do when reality doesn't seem real and all you want to do is pretend that it isn't?

Well, there are some questions I am not able to answer. At least, not in a way that may meet the need of everyone searching. I am learning, as so many new people write me through this blog and/or our Facebook page, ForElla, that we all find answers at different times and in different ways. While one may sense the Spirit of God moving, still another can't seem to find God no matter how hard they try.

I can, however, tell you how I answer that question. When tragedy falls across our path we have two choices; face tragedy alone or face it with God. It may sound simple, and there may be some who are ready to leave this blog after reading that statement. But, stay with me for just a moment longer.

Without God, Ella's life was. Without God, my time with Ella is forever gone and all I have is the memories. Without God, I am alone and the only thing I am equipped to face tragedy with is resentment and bitterness.

With God, I am broken, but I have hope. With God, Ella is still gone, but my perspective is different. I am able to recognize the amazing blessing He gave us when Ella was here. With God, I have the promise and assurance of where she is RIGHT NOW. With God, I know that my loss is so great because the blessing was so great.

I responded to an email today from a gentleman who recently lost his daughter. In that email, I honestly told him that I stood at Ella's grave today and felt so alone. Jody was there with me. My daughter, Abby, was there, too. But, I felt so alone, as though God had left me. And if we are all honest, we feel that way some times, even as Christians. But, just as our emotions do not change our reality, they also do not change the fact that God is there, even when we can't feel Him.

If my God is there, then His promises are true. If His promises are true, then Ella no longer was..........

She is beautiful. She is loving. She is caring. She is mine. She IS............